I know, I know!

I have been bad at blogging, but I have a confession to make. Not that I am blogging for comments, but when you blog and hardly see them, you wonder what's the point, right? Yes, that's partly why.

We have been super busy this summer also, so that's another reason. Dave started summer school and Garrett and I have been busy weekly grocery shopping, going to the park, going to Target (ha) and still maintaining his home routine. He is the sweetest 19 month old boy. So many times out of the blue he'll come up to me and say "Mama!" and give me a kiss. Every month that passes by we see more and more of his little personality!

Also, in July I found out I am pregnant again! I am almost 9 weeks. For those of you who know me, this is a big deal because you know all the trouble I had during Garrett's pregnancy and heartache I had losing my first pregnancy in '07. I found out at around 3 weeks..so early I know, and I never thought you could find out that early, but apparently you can. I was sitting at the table with Garrett while he was having a snack and I had a fleeting thought to take a pregnancy test because I had thought I was last month and wasn't. I thought, "Okay, here we go, I'm not pregnant!" and then I saw a faint line come up. If I were you (any of you reading) I would not go to the Doctor this early, it's just a big stress. Their EDD (expected due date) was almost a week off for me and I knew it, because I am never a 28 day cycle. So, first Hcg number: 400, which they told me for 5 weeks was low. I was beside myself with worry, thinking it was a tubal pregnancy or chemical pregnancy and they didn't help.."Well, that number's pretty low.." Uh yeah, thanks... So, fast forward to the second hcG test 4 days later, the number turned out to be 3,170. Ok, we're going in the right direction! I went in for an ultrasound and I measured 5 weeks and 2 days (no baby at this stage, but everything looked good) Then at 6 weeks I had 3 days of spotting (so stressful) I went to my Doctor the day I started spotting and he said everything looked fine, and it was implantation spotting. I kept praying and asking God to take it away, and he did! Fast forward to Thursday (19th) I went in for another ultrasound and saw a baby with a heartbeat of 175. So happy and relieved! Please keep praying for God's peace. I have a hard time trusting God when it comes to pregnancies because of what I've experienced.

A friend of mine gave me Hebrews 11 "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" So true. As with anything, you have to trust. Otherwise, you're trying to do it all on your own (which I am guilty of trying to take the wheel, or at least try to put one hand on it!) This can apply to all of our lives in every situation we find ourselves in. Trust God even when you have no control over the outcome. Throw up your hands and run into the arms of one who holds it all! Not only will you have more peace, but the striving goes away when we realize we don't need to stress or try to figure it out, because God is the one who is leading!

O, Lord, may I believe in the darkness
When all hope has vanished
When waves beat with fury
And no star lights my sky.
May I believe without
Feeling or knowing or proving
Till one shining moment when
You shatter the darkness
And all I believed for
Is suddenly mine.- Ruth Harms Calkin